I wish I mattered to you in a simple and unimportant way. In a way that has not being invented yet. In a way that is encrypted and only you can decipher; that wish is denied to me now—inaccessible by invisible barriers. I hear your voice in my head and it echoes loving tender cries of foolishness. “mi amorcito”. All the names we shared in our intimacy and that you forfeited by running cowardly and saving yourself.

Once a long time ago, you loved me in a way no one else had, you loved me in English, and you translated my Spanish into a love serenade that reached limitless beyond the horizons of my heart. Lately I’ve been thinking about you and I feel like I’m dying inside, just a shell to the world that demands my presence. A slave of my own spirit, incapable of dropping the chains, dragging them along the way, hoping that I matter, knowing that I do!

The cries and rumbles of the train transport me back to happier days where the morning dew and its touch caressed us, ensuring and defiant; a challenge that we welcomed is nothing more than an empty dirty subway track that stares back in wonder and awe feeling sorry for me.

My breath abandons me; my hands shake in anticipation of what used to be normal. It is an utterly strange feeling unknown to my senses that commands my being in a different direction. It is an unwanted but much needed encounter. This feeling is raw, it does not know whether to advance or retreat, all it knows is that it misses you, and you, you just run and hide. I know then that I DO matter indeed. Your silence is eloquent, precise and it cannot lie for you don’t own it.