I am torn between the impulse of my irrational and the consequences that it may bring. I cannot choose to liberate myself from the uncertainty of your distance of to uphold and embrace the desolation of your absence. I find relief in the thought of reconciliation and despair and sadness in the idea of never gaining you back.

I’m swimming in a sea of confusion that drowns me as it also allows me to breathe. I continuously undecide our fate and seek a higher authority for advice risking my very existence and questioning the motives for trying to reach such a difficult endeavor.

You still carry that seed of suffering that tears my life apart a day at a time, that fills my tranquility with uneasiness and my daydreams with nightmares and in your blindness, you ignore all that is practical.

I don’t know whether to fight on for this worthless cause or to re-create my destiny without you. My entire life lays upon me, and in my lack of love and desperation, I give in to the lonely beating of my heart, I inflict myself with happy thoughts—those that no longer exist. I see you and our past and I know that it was not as bad, that you were selfish and despiteful and ignorant and weak. You betrayed, lied and crushed all my dreams along with yours.

You failed me in an irreparable way, befooling my trust and everything I gave you. You misunderstood my love and kindness in a terrible way and used it as shelter to harbor your flaws. It never ceases to amaze me how cruel your intentions were.